The reason I’m so anxious is that I’m off to look at a rental property tonight and the idea of going through the moving process again hit all my anxiety trigger buttons. Although the move is inevitable and will be positive the idea of going through it again made my crazy protest loudly, until I told it to STFU with a lovely dose of calming clonazepam. So now I’m floaty and happy and abandoning an afternoon of anxiety for an afternoon of gratitude and love. And I don’t care one bit that it’s at least partially chemically induced, because that’s what my happy pills are for, right?
So today I’m listening to the likes of: I cannot express how much I love the likes of Laura Marling and Leonard Cohen. But it’s a big hint to my level love that I’ve been on this musical kick for months now, because they’re just that good. I want to marry Leonard Cohens voice. I’m also still in love with ideas. My mind is still generating ideas nicely, which is something to be grateful for. There’s nothing more exciting than ideas and last year when the crazy ovetook my brain almost completely I was all out of ideas and inspiration, so I’m super grateful that it came back. So far I’m focusing on Authenticity brainstorming and a new 365 project. I also have a lot of photography ideas floating around my head, which is quite exciting. I’m grateful for my continuing photography Project 365. Sometimes it gets tiresome, but overall I’m not only gaining discipline but I’m often accidentally coming up with photos that inspire me to explore certain themes further. Never knock inspiration, it’s one of the things that keeps me interested and feeling like I might have something to offer. In the world of materialism I’m grateful for oversized mens shirts, ordering The Land of the Painted Caves and Charms, Spells and Formulas, window shopping on Trademe, and my most recent curiosity find which is totally worth a post of its own once I get around to posting photos.
And then it all went kind of wrong.
Before I finished writing this entry I had to get my bum into gear and head off to check out the rental. It went badly. I was looking at it with three other people and one of those individuals decided to loudly throw a bit of a temper tantrum, in public! Well there went the clonazepam calm and good mood.One of my significant anxiety triggers is displays of negative emotion in public, which is why I never do that sort of thing regardless of how much the crazy is plaguing me. So when someone else does it my emotions range from uncomfortable to OMG ANXIETY MINDBOMB. Last night it was an anxiety mindbomb which immediately rendered all 7mg of clonazepam ineffective and as soon as I got home I cried. So I most certainly wasn’t up for completing my gratitude list. But this morning I’m feeling better and I figured I’d let the partially completed post stand, because it still counts, and that I would finish off the entry by explaining my anxiety mindbomb.
I’m also still grateful for a couple of things.
1) The emotional aupport I got last night was much appreciated
2) I managed not to run out and buy a packet of cigarettes, so I’m still quitting smoking.
Tags: anxiety, gratitude, youtube video
Anxiety can really be debilitating and it’s great to hear other stories about the experiences they went through. Sometimes just hearing from someone else that shares, or can empathize, with your pain can mean the world.
I hope others find your site as useful as I have.
Cheers,
David
http://www.allthingsdepression.com
I love Cohen. He makes me sad and kind.
When people get angry or throw tamper tantrums, I get uncomfortable and anxious too. Don’t know how to fight it, really.
For me the genius is Choen is that his music is so sad but I never find it depressing.
I usually try to wander off and pretend I have nothing to do with it if people lose their temper in public